There is Nothing to Fear Except Fear Itself--And Spiders. Day #7

I'm not actually afraid of spiders. I'm not their biggest fan, but I have enough experience with Daddy Long Legs in the bathroom, that they no longer freak me out.

I am, however, an anxious person. At age five I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Since then, I've calmed down a bit, but most of my fears are internal, rather than fear of heights or going surfing (I've never gone surfing. But I would try it!).

Whew boy, this is gonna be one painfully honest blog. Excuse the bluntness. Is it too cliché to say I'm afraid of writing this blog? Meh, I'll say it anyway.

My greatest fear (we're just plunging in, now aren't we?) is not being liked. Well, duh. Everybody wants to be liked. Get original, Kira. Good point, oh conscience. But I've dealt with this need for external approval, since the day I was born. I sprung out into the world, the nurse gave me a weird look and I was all, "why don't you like me, damnit?" It gets to the point where I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing, I say nothing at all. A lot of people mistake this for being cold, so I smile a whole lot just to make up for it. Then I look like a clown. Even among my best friends, I never want to upset them or do the wrong thing so they won't judge me. Yeah. It's kind of a thing.

I'm also afraid of raisins. I don't trust shriveled up grapes.

I'm afraid of same-ness. If I could, I would probably travel every two months. I'm afraid of lacking personal growth, of not reaching out to new people, of being a sixteen year old trapped in a thirty year old's body.

I'm afraid of driving. Could be because I suck at it.

I'm afraid of letting people down. Do you think I study math for two hours a night for kicks?

I'm afraid of trying new things and looking like a fool. I'm afraid of not trying new things.

Oh, and snakes. Ever since seeing the Jungle Book, I've been afraid of snakes.

Namaste.