Day 22--Annoying Facebookers (hint: it's all of us)

So is this blog going to seem petty and whiny to some? Probably. Is it also going to make the utmost sense?
You bet your ass it will.
Today's prompt is the perfect for how I'm feeling: Rant about something. Anything at all. I do love a good opportunity to rant, particularly about facebookers who annoy me.

Am I one of these Facebookers? Yes. Remember how I told you about my addiction--we'll get over this self-indulgent mess together. 

The Facebooker that by far annoys me the most is the vague status-er. I mean, if one's vague status was ever "I have surprise for all my facebook friends," then they presented some Godiva chocolate to all their 5,000 friends, that would be awesome. But the vague status is either "I'm happy because some mystery guy called me pretty," or "you broke my heart, you crushed my soul, la la la isn't adolescence great?"

And how many of these social networking friends are you actually going to call up and be able to talk to in farther detail?

Which begs the question: How many other social networking friends actually care?

One of the goals of Facebook is to connect with people you haven't seen in a while. With the older generation steadily making their way onto Facebook, you're really letting your entire extended family know every single detail. But if you went to see your Great Aunt Edna in person and she asked you what was new in life, would you break down and be all "this guy [sob] l--likes another girl! My life is over!!!"?

Some family reunion that would be.

The vague status-er also enjoys the improper use of "you." They fail to realize that their entire facebook audience becomes "you" once they've read this status.

If that were the case, I would've broken a lot more hearts than I've actually known. I've also gotten told off by a lot of people I've said like two words to.

"Hey you, yes you, stop giving me shit" probably makes sense to about 1% of the statuser's Facebook population. If you're going to be outraged by something a certain person did and you need to put it in the written word, get a journal. Better yet, click on that person's name and write on their wall.

Being vague does not make you cool. I guarantee you, it will make 99.999999% of your Facebook friends roll their eyes and wonder what the hell they're still doing on their news feed.

Oftentimes, the vague status-er uses song lyrics to show how terrible his life is. While I see some awesome Beatles song lyrics every now and then, more often my news feed becomes flooded with Taylor Swift, Nickleback, and other generic pop music. Thousands of different song lyrics boil down to three basic messages:

1) I'm so depressed. Can't you see how depressed I am? Nobody cares. I'm all alone. But I'm gonna be in your face about how alone I am, so everyone can pity me.
2) I'm happy, so happy, life is beautiful, kittens and rainbows and hormones that are going through the roof because that attractive person would like to be mutual face-lickers.
3) I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks, nobody should give a fuck about what I think, let's just pretend this whole emotion thing never happened, shall we?

But far worse than Facebook personalities is Facebook times.
Let's give election season a long look, shall we?
I'm all for being informed. I'd love to see some articles about the candidates' strategies, and even some well-crafted opinion pieces never hurt anyone. A few memes poking fun at both parties is worth a good laugh. But "Obama sucks" or "down with Romney," is just petty and you're going to offend at least half of your online audience.
I've lost track of how many "YES!" or "I'm moving to Canada"s or "Is America stupid?"s I've seen post-election.
Other times to avoid: Whenever there's snow, rain, heat, a holiday, when everyone is waking up, when it's 2:00A.M. and everyone's wondering why they're still awake.

Or when you're bored. For the love of pizza, why is "I'm bored, text?" still a thing?
If you want to text someone, grab your phone, and text them!
My goodness.

And while you're bored, how is snapping photos of yourself in the most flattering light going to change that?
Okay. Stahp. I know I've done this so many times. I'm particularly bad when it comes to "what is my hair?" pictures.
It's cool when someone's at the Grand Canyon or somewhere equally exotic and they'd like to share their adventures, but duck facing while you're getting ready for work?
I do that every day while I'm putting on mascara (yes, I put mascara on with my mouth closed). Everybody has a "getting ready to go out" routine. Everyone is equally bored by it.
I won't be surprised when I see teeth-brushing pictures on Facebook. It's gonna happen.

On that note, there are some good Facebookers out there. Inspirational quotes are a fun thing. I've learned a lot about current events from informed Facebook friends.
Oh, and I can see ridiculous chat conversations me and my best friend have:

"THIS BOOK IS A DISASTER

It's more than a disaster

it makes disasters turn away in shame

and tell all their disaster children never to stoop down so low as this book

this book

is what disasters eat for dinner

this book is the pins disasters knock down when they go bowling together

this book

is what disasters wear when it's laundry day

OOH i think i have a poem here!"

"I AM NOT GETTING YOU PUDDING FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!"

So that's a thing.

Namaste.