Ayurveda, Explained: A Conversation With Vatas, Pittas and Kaphas

When you immerse yourself in a yogic practice, you'll probably hear quite a bit about Ayurveda. And then you'll want to stock up on Kombocha at Whole Foods.

Okay, maybe not. I know my reaction to this practice was "is that some kind of disease?"

Au contraire, oh internet friend. Ayurveda is a form of alternative medicine that uses doshas to determine what exercise regime/diet/cat is best for you.

I may or may not be serious about the cat thing.

Doshas constitute a person's "type." It's kind of like the Myers-Briggs personality test, except with less vague questions about how you think about humankind and its destiny. Doshas typically incorporate the physical body as well as the mind.

So what do these Doshas mean?

I'm going to illustrate these types with a lovely dialogue between Darth Vatar (a vata--and yes, I intentionally rearranged the lettering), Pitta Patter and Mr. Good Kap (a Kapha).

On exercise:
Darth Vatar: Ooh, I want to jump on the trampoline! No, wait--I've got a better idea! Let's go rock climbing! Can we go exploring? I know the--hey, are we lost?
Pitta Patter: Here's our plan: We're gonna go on a short five hour hike, but we really have to raise the intensity when we climb. I was thinking Everest this afternoon.
Good Kap: If I watch you run around, does that count as exercise?

On free time:
Darth Vatar: I've got some crayons, some paints, ten writing prompts, a sewing kit, some markers, and a book of guitar lessons. Do you think that will be enough for this afternoon?
Pitta Patter: I'm gonna clean the entire house, then our neighbor's house, then I'm gonna run on the treadmill for two hours, and if there's time, I'll fix that whole world hunger deal.
Good Kap: Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

On anger:
Darth Vatar: [Bursts into tears] I'm sorry! I'll never be annoying for as long as I live! Don't hate me! I just want us to all be friends.
Pitta Patter: How dare you be so annoying! If you just saw how much you sit around and wait for me to do all the work! You pig-headed, pickle-brained newt!
Good Kap: Let's just all take a breather and cool down in our rooms. We'll talk it out later.

On sleep:
Darth Vatar: I counted five million sheep and I still can't sleep. I haven't slept in ten years.
Pitta Patter: Well, I got my full ten minutes of sleep.
Good Kap: Close your eyes and put your head on the pillow. Remain unconscious for twelve hours and repeat.

On work:
Darth Vatar: I was a teacher once, but then I moved on to become a painter for a month, then I joined the circus, but I'm thinking of moving to Timbuktu and becoming a contortionist.
Pitta Patter: I am a professional rhetorician. I can persuade the hell out of anyone.
Good Kap: I work a 9-5 office job and love it! Mmm, smells like bad office coffee and routine.

You can find out what dosha you are here or here

You may find you are bi-dosha or even tri-dosha. It's common to be one dosha in body and the other in mind. 

Namaste.