When I begrudgingly revised and slapped a few colons onto my essay, my professor actually drew a heart next to each colon. A grown man loves this punctuation so much, it's made him transform into a teenage girl.
Seriously though! Can someone please explain to me what is so likeable about the colon? Perhaps it's organized and is all "hey guys, here's a list of important things, please stop playing Angry Birds and listen up," but the Nazis were organized too, and they went ahead and slaughtered 6 million Jews.
So what we should take away from this is that every colon is a Nazi. Glad you're coming with me on this one.
Think back to when you were in third grade and had to present a report on dogs. You'd be all "I like dogs. This is why I like dogs: they're cute. They're cuddly. They're nice to me." That is what the colon does. It makes you look like you're a third grader who cannot combine ideas.
Colons make it impossible to make an essay flow. It's alarming. And honestly, you're just gonna let your reader down. Your essay is going "hey, reader, hey. A really great idea is coming up. Hold onto your hats, you're going to be blown away by this idea!" And then they read the idea and they're all "that was a mediocre idea." They'd probably be thinking it was a good idea if that stupid colon didn't get their hopes up!
The colon is the grammatical equivalent of getting a really ugly sweater from your Aunt Tina. You cringe a little and say "oh that's nice," while secretly wishing to slash every ugly sweater in the universe.
So for the love of all things grammatical, please stop using colons. It's hurting our future as writers. It's hurting our reputations. The colon is killing our souls.