Guys, It's a Serious Post--Day 16

Today's prompt is to talk about something difficult about my "lot in life." I already talked about the need to be liked, so I thought I'd talk about something that's relevant to a lot of young girls.

Anorexia.

Whew, boy, this is a heavy topic. No pun intended.

I've been fully recovered for five years. At age twelve (just as middle school started--shock!), I lost 16 pounds in a month, and dwindled down to 85 pounds.

My parents luckily interfered before I turned skeletal and had to go to the hospital. But y'know, not having a pulse...that's a thing. A rather not good thing.

A lot of misconceptions about anorexia is that re-nourishing the body is the ultimate goal to "cure" anorexia. While that's the first step, the body is actually the easiest thing to repair. Although you have to get a LOT of blood drawn. Ew.

It's really the mind that is the hardest to overcome. I had to spend years going to psychologists and nutritionists in order to understand what a healthy relationship with my body and with food was. Force feeding only works for a tiny portion of recovery. But in order to truly recover, you have to ultimately be in charge of your own eating/exercise decisions.

I adore food. I've been a foodie since I was two and had my first taste of chocolate (a peppermint patty, mmmm). But even now, I have a love/hate relationship with food, even though I do tend to go overboard in the dessert arena.

I used to feel like every time I ate something delicious, or had two helpings, I'd have to punish myself by exercising it off. This works pretty well with yoga (if you go slowly). Running on a treadmill after a milkshake? Not so much. That involves writhing on a bed for two hours and having your roommate look at you funny.

It's not fun to be driven by calculations--to have to stick to the same food routine and to exercise for exactly ninety minutes a day. Fortunately, I enjoyed dance--it was enough to keep me feeling healthy, but to not move around for the sake of burning calories.

I know it's not the case for every recovered anorexic, but I've dealt with a lot of weight fluctuations. Not exactly the healthiest way to go about things. I prefer not to weigh myself now (it's not a pretty scene when I go to the Doctor's office, and they're all, "you weigh 140 some pounds" and I'm all "whaaaat?"). I'm still trying to figure out the steady middle ground. I've either been too thin or on the over-indulgent side. It's like Goldilocks and the three bears. I'm on the search for the size that's juuuuuuuust right.

What's nice about yoga and meditation (you knew there would be a yoga side to this, didn't you? Maybe I should include the fact that coffee burns calories too?), is that yoga keeps the body feeling strong and free, but it's a practice that focuses on the breath, which draws out internal focus. We stay in tune with what our body needs, how it's feeling. It's perfect in conjunction with meditation--detaching the mind from our anxieties is perfect for, well, everyone, but particularly someone in a similar situation.

There was actually a news story about a young woman who struggled with anorexia, and yoga was a major factor in curing her disease:

 It's a battle, but the joy of food definitely overpowers fearful living.

Made and eaten by yours truly, with help from MC

Yoga has helped tremendously

Namaste.