Leaving

Here's a fun fact: People don't usually live in an ashram their entire lives.

Who woulda thunk it?

 Shoshoni is filled with people who flit in and out of work study, teacher training, and month long programs where former blonds play dress-up in some hippie skirts for a while.

Ah, to be young and wear jeans again.

Five of us are leaving or have already left this week. For some, this was expected. But when there are people who have stayed 1+ years at the ashram, my brain tends to expect that they've made their final life choice and will hang out with Ganesha and do some pujas until the day they die.

Oh brain, why must you oversimplify so?

When it comes to saying goodbye to people, that's always been a huge deal for me. Let's set the scene with a 14 year old Kira at a camp that kind of freaked her out seeing as the entire cabin prided themselves on being bisexual and the girls enjoyed in partaking in "fuck-buddy-dom." Two weeks later, 14 year old Kira gets picked up by her father, starts crying and hugging her cabin-mates, sobbing "I love you guys; I'll miss you so much!"

At Shoshoni, as soon as Nabha started making his goodbye speech, tear poured down my eyes. Even though I'd interacted with him for two months of my life, that's like an eternity in ashram time. I sobbed over the cards he'd written for everyone. Those who had been there for years certainly expressed that they'd miss him and told fun Nabha stories, but I was almost appalled at their lack of tears.

You mean you've known him for over six years, and you're not even gonna cry? 

Well that's a vata reaction if I ever had one.

The residents at Shoshoni aren't cold-hearted, nor do they wish anyone to leave. They're some of the most caring people I have ever met, they're just not in your face, "I'm gonna bake you a million cookies" about it. They recognize the impermanence of leaving. Just because a person leaves the ashram, doesn't mean Shoshoni-ites will never hear from him again. It doesn't mean he's abandoning his personal growth, nor is he saying he no longer cares about his ashram family.

I met an immersion friend last year who left with some wise words: "It's not goodbye; it's 'I'll see you later.'"

So, to my Shoshoni family, I'll see you guys later."

Namaste.