The Ten Minute Hug

So this is kind of a continuation of "Things that Make me uncomfortable." Some people tend to be very huggy. And touchy. Not "let's make out in the bushes" kind of touchy, but just "hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's a ten minute hug!"

And that just makes me a wee bit uncomfortable.

I've never been that much of a touchy/feely person. Sure, my friends and I had cuddle fests during sleepovers, and I hug my mom, but I am not one to initiate physical contact of any sort.

Take that as you will.

Many times I get the reaction "oh, you don't like hugs? You must be colder than Iceland!" First off, Iceland is not very cold. And second, just because I don't send my arms soaring around someone's waist does not mean I don't care about them.

For the sake of this post, let's drop the whole "your body is a temple" act. If it's a temple, it's one creaky, weird, grumbly temple. If someone were to tell me they had missed me, I could still hide the fact that I'd missed lunch and that my stomach had the same tremor level as an earthquake. If your shoulder starts cracking and your throat starts doing the weird frog thing, it's gonna get awkward for both hugging parties pretty quickly.

And even if your stomach cooperates, your throat un-frogged, and your joints intact, the hug never ceases to be awkward. The long ones are the worst, noise-wise. The hug initiator will probably close her eyes and go "mmmmm."

I tend to save my "mmmmm"s for really delicious cookies.

So then you're stuck having to decide if you too should chime into the hum, or if that would make you sound too much like a terrible a Capella group. As for the eyes, open or closed? If the hugging partner closes her eyes, you're gonna feel like you're staring really creepily. But what if you close your eyes, and the other person makes some kind of facial cue that the hug should end? Then you enter the awkward(er) zone. And that's just not cool.

Might I just add that hugging someone of the opposite gender who is about the same height sometimes makes you want to die?...If you catch my drift.

But one thing that really gets me is the ten minute hugs between you and the person you saw yesterday. I'll accept the dramatic "I've missed you so much!" hugs, but like chocolate cake, they should be reserved for special occasions, if at all. Everyday ten-minute hugs, to me, are the equivalent of an overly needy boyfriend who gives you a box of chocolates every single day. It doesn't become special anymore. It turns into a "when is this gonna end?" kind of deal.

Not to mention physical contact is already ambiguous. Was the side hug because of a certain angle, or because that person didn't really want to touch you? Did he poke you with his finger because he was being silly, or flirting?

Sure, speech can be ambiguous, but generally, "hey, you're cool," or "I missed you" have pretty standard meanings.

And they take much less time to convey the message.

Namaste.