Shy extroverts

So I've posted a few times about the idea of being an introvert, but never have I labeled myself as an extrovert. I mean, how could I, when the idea of a more than two second conversation with someone I don't know sends me quaking under my covers? I love people--observing them that is--but when I have to make some kind of impression that I can spit out a coherent sentence, or be charming and witty, I sound something like, "uh, um, goodbye--no wait, hello, er um, so you liking college? Where do you go? Oh riiiiiiiiight Penn State, that's why you would be on this campus."
Yep, the too-awkward-to-function feeling is a fun one--especially when people start to wonder if you're an alien dressed up in glittery human clothes as a disguise.
The other day, however, my friends were discussing if they were introverts, and when I immediately volunteered that I was one, Megan pshawed that little tidbit of information. Because not only do I wear my feelings on my sleeve, I flash them like a neon light so even people in Timbuktu can see the mad/sad/angry/confused/annoyed at mankind day that I am having. Introverts, as it turns out, don't wildly wave their arms going "ooh, ooh, pick me, I'm an introvert! I am, I am!"

That may or may not defeat the entire purpose of their claim. English class, what have you done to me?

So having this personality mesh can be cause for quite the identity crisis. Sure, you can say, "I'm a student," or, "I'm a person who eats chocolatey things for breakfast," but the core person can take a bit of digging. We're not apples here. You can't eat around the bruises and sweet outer-layer to find someone's core. God, I really want an apple.

I guess it all comes down to the idea that your childhood makes most of what you are. As a kid, I was gregarious, excited about the littlest things, and not afraid to show it. I also wore fluffy clothes. That last part still stands, but sometimes I wonder if a quiet nature is inhibition that comes from fear of looking foolish, or a reflecting personality that just takes a while to develop.

I'm probably one of the craziest in our group of friends, and I drag my more subdued friends on 1:00a.m. runs to Wall-Mart so that we can observe the "drunk bus" (entertaining, but didn't live up to my standards). Yet I still prefer to curl up with a good book on a Friday night. Sometimes I think I could get used to spending more time alone, other times, it feels like the worst punishment in the world.

I guess what I should take from this, is that especially during a time when your personality stays constant the same amount of time as Lindsay Lohan stayed sane, you shouldn't place so much importance on labels. Sure, I act shy and awkward in some instances, but I still love people, even if I'm not right up in their face about it.

We're all humans here...by nature, we're social animals. Just some of us are more "wheeeee!" about expressing it.

Namaste.