Bliss vs. regret

So often we're told that we should take risks in life, be bold, and most importantly, find happiness. While I'm a big advocate of happiness (why do you think you see me munching on chocolate so often?), I see lack of regret hiding in a shadow of life's necessities. Happiness is bold and flashy and is more easy to spot, but I can only imagine the burden regret has on anyone's last days on Earth.

Obviously it would be absurd to pull a Luke Danes and live as a hermit just to avoid regret, but where is the line between having a few moments of bliss and protecting yourself from those "if only I..." moments. I've seen this over and over again in the drinking culture of college. Partying looks fun, and not overthinking if someone would be weirded out by a simple "hi," seems delightful, but at the same time, I see people, 10 years after college, who whine that "if only they had gotten their shit together in college, they'd maybe have a better job." It's a fine balance, happiness and regret. They can be twins more often than you'd think.

In my case, the battle between these two twins is found, ironically enough, in family. I think everyone can relate to the stress of dealing with family that you don't necessarily get along with. Sometimes you'd rather run a marathon than figure out the lines those people are talking in between, or how to respond to a rant when you were secretly thinking about that episode of True Blood you saw last night. Yeah, it can be hard to deal with that kind of stuff. But so is running around a marathon. So is cleaning your room. So is not reading that chick lit that tempts you by your bed and turning to some Jane Eyre instead. Yet people still do it. It can feel monotonous. So often I've flipped through science flashcards thinking, "what's the point?" Same goes with having that millionth conversation about consequences, curfews, and chores, but it's not gonna kill you.

Yet those conversations and difficult moments with family are exactly where I've taken a wrong turn. In hopes to be "happy," I've distanced myself from people I've experienced the most conflict with, and shoved guilt and regret away as a fly that would stop buzzing if I just kept ignoring it. Turns out, the fly doesn't die if you plug your ears and go "la, la, la, la, I can't hearrrrrrr youuuuuuu!" I may not miss the conflict, but that's not what makes the entire person that I cut conflict from. Like anything in life, it's not an all or nothing situation.

Sure, you can have the bliss of knowing you haven't fought in a while, but then you realize that 1) your rhetorical skills are a little rusty (I'm just kidding, they're a lot rusty), and 2) you also haven't spoken to a beloved family member in over a month. Or if you had, it was to get a pair of socks or something, or to rant about some boy problems. That's not happiness. That's avoidance.

Shit happens. People fight. People also get over it. It's way better to have a few unpleasant moments than to regret an entire relationship lost because you wanted a few nice evenings sans argument.

Namaste.