Jean-ius?

There's a phenomenon that many girls fall victim to, myself included. And I just don't get it. I don't. I mean, there's a lot of things about my fellow female species that I don't understand, but one thing that truly baffles me is why girls insist on having a million pairs of jeans. They all serve the same purpose of covering your legs and making your ass look good. They're made of the same material, and for the most part, they all look the same. So why is it that whenever we go to the mall and see that cute new pair of jeans that's basically the twin to whatever is hanging in the back of our closet, we just have to shell out twenty bucks for it?

I mean, let me paint a little picture for ya': There's light wash jeans, there's dark wash jeans. There's skinny, bootcut, and flare jeans. At most, that could make six different pairs of jeans. Yet there are at least twelve pairs in my closet. And you know what happens, I wear four of those pairs, do the laundry, and wear the same four pairs again. Even though they're all practically identical, I've chosen my favorites, and half of them don't even get used.

So even though I'm aware that I'm mindlessly throwing money away towards what I already have, I'm victim to the sneaky little tricks stores use to make their denim seem amazing and other-worldly:

1) Belts. Normally, I'm not a fan of belts. If I'm wearing a long shirt, I look like I have some weird tumor going on in my hips. Plus, they're just a pain in the ass (literally--almost) to have to un-do every time you have to pee. But if you see this adorable pair of jeans hanging up with a flashy belt, it just screams "buy me, buy me!" Seriously though--I'm surprised no one has tried to market talking belts. One time I was shopping for a Christmas gift for my ex (who wasn't my ex at the time, 'cause that's just freaking weird to buy gifts for exes...but more on that in a later post), and I found a super badass awesome belt for him. Not only is it embarrassing to buy anything of the clothing sort for a guy, but when I saw a pair of jeans with an identical belt, I almost bought it so that we could be matching.

Oh my god. Matching belts? Never has a couple had a cheesier idea. Fortunately, I got distracted by something shiny. But seriously, when you think it's cute to match anything with your boyfriend--even if it's something small like your dress and his tie--it's not.

2) "Boyfriend cut."
Call me blind to the world, but boyfriend cut jeans seem suspiciously similar to boot cut jeans. I don't know if this style is trying to sell the idea of having a boyfriend, or trying to match said boyfriend, but either way, it makes me want to cry into a bowl of cookie dough and not be able to fit into any of my jeans.

3) Glitter. I'm seriously addicted to all things sparkly. In fourth grade, my teacher coined me the "glitter princess." I would've been the glitter queen, if my teacher hadn't won the title already. But every time I see a pair of sparky jeans, I'm convinced they're different from the rest of the world of denim. The trouble with these pants, is that once you wash them, they're sad and faded ole' regular jeans. The glittery excitement happens through one or two cycles of wearing them, then you forget why you bought them in the first place.

Also, through all this "sameness," I fail to find a pair of jeans that prevents whale-tailing. Perhaps I need more belts.

The irony astounds me.

Namaste.