Citizen Kane, AKA I re-discover my love for films

Back in 8th grade, I had a dream...That my best friend was trying to steal all the chocolate in my house. It was terrifying. But actually, I did have a dream of one day becoming a television screenwriter. My 14 year old self was convinced it was going to happen. I innocently wrote Monk and Psych scripts in my basement on some crappy '90's IBM computer, naively believing that any person who ever moved to LA in the history of the world didn't want the exact same thing. The thing about dreams is that you can convince yourself you're on a delightfully productive path to your ultimate goal, then realize that the thousands of people after that same goal are shoving you off the path. Because, unfortunately, oftentimes in the television world, the people who coast on that path aren't exceptional writers. They're good, and there are exceptions--like Tina Fey--but the people who can ride the path are excellent shmoozers.

So as I entered high school, I kind of did away with the dream. Sure, I still wrote scripts, but I wasn't fond of getting the awful rejection letters saying my "unsolicited material" wasn't good enough for network television. I continued writing for myself--a quiet hobby, if you will, but I didn't believe I'd ever have a chance at putting my writing out into the world, shoving the much more eloquent people out from the path.

But then 10th grade happened. And I took a film class which made me fall in love with movies. I couldn't believe I'd spent 16 years not knowing about Citizen Kane, Casablanca, or every Alfred Hitchcock film that was ever made. And I knew--that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to make people who already fell in love with movies maintain their faith in them, and anyone who'd only seen crappy movies to see the beauty in the film world. Then the idea got shattered by more statistics about people who move to NYC and LA with the same "dream."

Then tonight, for English class we had to watch Citizen Kane. And it's like my love of movies stopped getting put on hold and I re-discovered just what a huge impact a good film can make. Whether I was analyzing the different shots Orson Welles used, or the ethical connotations the movie gave about wealth and love, I was constantly immersed in the art, and even through knowing the sorry fact that it's EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to break into the film/television industry, it's my dream. I can't even describe the thrill I get when typing up a nice bout of dialogue, but my reaction goes something like: "kdjfaisdjfosiejfsdlajfls LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL." And I can't imagine doing anything else.

Sometimes, dreams aren't so silly. Unless they're about friends stealing chocolate.

Namaste.