I'm on the strugglebus

Friends, I started NanoWriMo going strong. For a full week I not only stayed with my 1,667 words per day, but I got ahead of schedule. I felt awesome--like a true writer who dedicated her life to characterization, witty dialogue and fantastic scenery. Nothing could stop me! That is, until I had a lazy day, and instead of keeping up with my word count, I watched four hours of youtube videos. To make matters worse, they were youtube videos I'd already seen at least five times, and could probably recite word for word.

And sure, it was all fine and good at the time; I laughed along with Alex Day, sang along (badly) with Kristina Horner about NanoWriMo (oh, the irony), and recited "cake or death?" (see video below)  alongside Eddie Izzard. Saturday, a day in which I had nothing to do, could've been purely dedicated to writing. Instead, I used it to eat, sleep, and be merry. Just kidding. I was too tired to be merry. So then Sunday happens, right? My last chance to catch up on my weekend word count. Nope, Sunday as it turns out, is no less lazy than the other two days. A work shift and floor meeting later, and I wake up Monday morning to realize I'm 4,000 words behind. 

What can happen in 4,000 words? A dramatic breakup. A tree falling on on someone's head (not gonna happen in my story, but, y'know...conflict). A falling out with a mother (more likely). SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT WRITE, BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY DOING NOTHING!

Bah...What is this nonsense? How can a joyful evening of this...

...Turn into this?

Urgh.

So not only is the quantity of my writing vastly inferior to the star NanoWriMo's work, but the quality seems to be diminishing as well. I mean, even when I get into the groove of dialogue, and I'm feeling good about my character's witty comments, I then look back and see this:

Character one: "Erm, hello." (Apparently they're British?)
Character two: "I think I'm in love with you! Marry me!"
Character one: "I, uh, have to go."
Character two: "No, you're mine forever! Mine, I tell you! Now go make me a sandwich."

Okay, so perhaps that's a bit of an exageration. But what once was I story I could let ferment in my mind is now just a mush of words on a page. Kristina Horner, AKA Italktosnakes once said that you will question yourself as a writer during NanoWriMo. "Hah!" I'd say in response to that, "I'll just throw a bunch of dialogue in there, stay on track, and I will never question myself ever!"

You will. If you do NanoWriMo, even if you're freaking Shakespeare, you will question yourself as a writer. You will. Don't give me that look....That one, right there. Wait. How'd you do that weird eyebrow thing?

November is hard. I'm on the strugglebus. I think I'm gonna give myself all of December to edit this...thing that is supposedly a novel. Oh, and sleep. Because, as it turns out, the proper response to "hello, how are you?" is not the sleep deprived response of "ohmygosh I like monkeys!" Even though I do really like monkeys.

Write on, friends, even if it's not right on.

Namaste.