What reality TV has taught me

Lately, entertainment has turned into one giant competition for the best bitch-fest, ever since MTV has stopped playing music. Laziness has turned humans onto cat fights, outrageous hair-do's and people who "aren't here to make friends." Reality television has taught me some important things in life, such as how to be America's next top fake, and other every day necessities:

1) If you don't talk in a city girl "new yoakaw" accent, you just aren't tough.
2) The only way to make up is to make out.
3) Every time Tyra Banks comes into a room, you have to scream like you've just won the lottery.
4) Somewhere, somehow, there is an eyeliner that doesn't smudge through the day's emotional turmoil.
5) Best friends are like purses. They change every season.
6) Cry when that girl you weren't even here to make friends with, says she doesn't like you.
7) Have serious talks in a hot tub. It makes you seem more sophisticated, and the bubbles will muffle the words you can't pronounce.
8) All the world's a stage on which people should rate, comment and like. After all, we're all objects anyway.
9) Go out to pretend to eat with the underdog. That way, people will see that you have an emotionally sensitive side and vote for you as most selfless and most deserving for those million dollars that you will so generously spend on a pool and personal trainer.
10) The argument that you had a horrible childhood wins every time.

And if that doesn't work, just flash 'em. That way people will see you have a risk-taking side that loves to have fun. Just kidding, this country just wants to see another pair of boobs. God bless America.

Namaste.