The Butterfinger butterfly

My friend Keri and I were walking downtown yesterday, and seeing as the humidity decided to swallow us whole, we felt like, as Keri coined it, "anti-camels." I had forgotten to bring my sufficient dork-dom of a water bottle with me, and if I don't chug water every two seconds, my tongue feels like a cactus. I'm a fan of desert plants, just not in my mouth. That's where cake would be more pleasant.
We ended up stopping at Mclannahan's for some Smart Water (as opposed to stupid water?), and Butterfinger bars. The calories don't count if you mooch from your friend's candy bar. Shh, it's a secret. After downing 36 ounces of water, I looked at the bottle and wished the store would give refills. Keri gave me an odd look, and said, "you mean like water fountains?"
Oh right. Those. Maybe the intelligence chemicals in Smart Water hadn't gone to my brain cells yet. Or I just enjoy spending two pointless dollars for something that could be free. That is entirely possible. I could just weed through the maze of bubble gum kids like to stick under water fountains, and I'd have my prized refill. Keri, on the other hand, saw her diminishing chocolate bar, and bemoaned her lack of refill options. I suggested the idea of chocolate bar fountains, which, through completely normal and sane logic, turned into our creation of the Butterfinger butterfly.
"How else would there be so many Butterfinger bars?" I asked, "surely not forced child labor in China."
"Of course not."
"That would be absurd."
"Way crazier than a winged creature handing chocolate to everyone," Keri agreed. This is the nice thing about having friends who are just as crazy as me. They can believe my rants about candy-giving butterflies are both sober and impressive.
We walked around Tudek Park a few hours later, and naturally, we wondered what would happen if marijuana grew in the park without anyone noticing. There was something horribly wrong with our line of thought--clearly, in a college town, it would not go undiscovered. But just as we passed "Butterfly Bob's" butterfly garden, it dawned on us that of course our two pondering were connected! This was why people acted so strange. The Butterfinger butterfly lived in this super secret section of the park, and all his Butterfingers were weed laced. It was the perfect explanation for everyone's oddities! Almost as good as blaming everything on insecurity and saying "I had a terrible childhood." But Keri and I came to the sad conclusion that Butterfly Bob captured the Butterfinger butterfly, and that is why Butterfinger bars are so hard to find. You know that moment when you sit down, look at something differently, and go, "well that explains everything!" Yeah, that didn't happen. But we did spend our evening creating a delightful children's book about this Butterfinger butterfly, as sophisticated teenagers tend to do. Don't be surprised if this creation graces that shelves of kindergarten classrooms. Of course I'm kidding. This is more first grade material.