The importance of having Ernest

As a graduation/"going away" present (I prefer to think of it as "heading out for a bit"), my stepmother got me a pillow pet. I could have asked for textbook money, or socks, or some practical adult -like thing that important college people bring to their dorms, but instead, I asked for this:

I may not be able to study rhetorical analysis from Ernest the pillow pet, but I'm going to be the comfiest freshman alive. I might just have room for some of my body on the bed too. It was always a given that I would bring a stuffed animal to launch my adulthood, but my stuffed tiger Snow Paws is currently being used to cover a horrid stain on my carpet, as good stuffed animals do.And so begins the journey with the multifaceted leopard. He makes a pretty comfortable pillow, as long as you don't mind having your face smothered in the night and dust particles that dance around your nose. I'm personally a fan of sneezing so dramatically at 1:00 in the morning my brothers must think I've contracted the plague. Do people with the plague sneeze more than usual? Hmm, I'll have to get back to you on that one. I'm just trying to make it dramatic here, people.
So my fellow Penn-Staters, if you see some chick on move in day lugging a stuffed pink leopard around campus, stop by and say hey. I'm not nearly as crazy as I look, but only on Sundays.

Namaste.