I'm not entirely sure if I'm a whole new person who can appreciate gentle practices, or if my entire body felt like it was on fire (see: jogging) and getting into child's pose felt like a great feat. Whatever the case, I've noticed being significantly more in tune with micro movements and my breath. The phrase "let your heart shine forward" no longer sounds like meaningless jargon. I have an awareness of how it feels to be in the posture, rather than worry about what comes next. That hasn't necessarily transferred to how I view my day, much less my life, but perhaps that's something to look forward to on day 30.
Today's practice contained two mantras: "expand your possibilities" and "take up space." As a
I'm less familiar with the idea of expanding my possibilities. While a rather minute difference, the distinction between exploring and expanding possibilities can be monumental. Rather than sequestering ourselves into one path, we are encouraged to examine other avenues that are offered to us. While it's important to think through options that are right in front of us, there's a certain degree of passivity in this practice. Perhaps two items, experiences, or paths are presented to us, and we are told to pick one. We often forget that we have the power to pick neither, to continue to explore other options. Expanding possibilities connotes far more agency: we have the power to widen the scope of our choices, to intentionally move past what we initially see.
The mind-body connection has been long studied, and yoga is no exception. I have noticed that when I step onto the yoga mat, I instantly check in with myself about how I'm feeling and what I want. My mind stops chattering about all the things I should be doing, and instead I begin to consider what I want to be doing. That's not to say that to-do lists and daily, weekly, or monthly goals aren't useful. They are. But expanding possibilities simply lets us be open to evolving goals and priorities. It's not flighty or capricious. It's inquisitive. It's reflective.
Taking up space is a little trickier, and is something that I still struggle with. Not in the "I must be thin and tiny or I will die" kind of way, although hundreds of thousands of women struggle with this, and is beautifully expressed in Lily Meyers's poem, "Shrinking Woman"). I have a tendency to be clumsy and awkward, and try to compensate by making myself small. In uncomfortable situations, I duck my head down and squeeze my arms in, trying to get myself out of other people's space as soon as possible. I have apologized for being in my own kitchen.
That is, to put this eloquently, bullshit.
In the past year, I have found feminism in unlikely spaces, the latest being pole class. When I was learning how to do baseball grip spins, I curled myself close to the pole, partly because I was afraid of hurling myself into the air, but mostly because I'd made a habit of making myself small. Jinger, a fierce, firey instructor who tells her classes to "lead with your vagina," stopped me mid-spin.
"You need to expand your body. That's the only way you get momentum," she said.
I tried again. Jinger raised an eyebrow.
"As women, we are taught not to take up space. We want to make ourselves small and petite. That's not gonna fly in pole."
I restrained myself from saying I was afraid to come flying off the pole. But she was the expert, and I loved a good feminist rant, so I place my left hand on the pole, stretched my right side body as far away from the pole as I could muster, and sprang into a sail spin.
And she was right. That was the only way I could get momentum.
In her article titled "The Proliferation of the Shrinking Woman: How Women are Taught Grown Inward," Laura Argintar notes:
"We have been socialized to feel unentitled to our own space, to shrink our presence. To be feminine is to be small and contained. By contrast, to exude masculinity is to recline or spread out to assert power. It’s time we learn to create space for ourselves and weave an outwardly growing web. We are owners of the street, of our bodies, of our space."
To take up space in the world is to explore our own potential. To recognize that we owe it to ourselves to plunge into experiences and passions. To expand our possibilities.
Namaste.
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