The Intellectual Crush

I have a lot of crushes. Sometimes they take over my brain. However, these are not the "ohmygodthisguyissocuteandhesaidhitomeinthehallwayswhatdoido?" kind of crushes (much). These are the crushes that often result in opening a book, YouTube, or Netflix, and coming across an individual who is so articulate, so perceptive, and so...smart, that your entire purpose for living is to meet this person, take them to coffee, and discuss literary theory for the rest of eternity.

As followers of this blog are growing tired of hearing may know, John Green has been the target of my intellectual crushes for the past year. His books themselves make me jump up and down, throw the book (mindfully) in the air, and scream, "yes, John Green, you understand my life!" It makes reading in the library rather difficult. But after watching this video, you can't tell me you don't feel the love:

The intellectual crush often coincides with the Eng-gasm: when you read a sentence that's so powerful and so well-written, that you get that little shiver down your...spine.

So how can you tell if you have an intellectual crush? Here are a few symptoms which indicate you are head-over heels with someone's intellect:

1) You often quote this person in everyday conversation.
Yes, movie references count. Sadly, this means much of our country has an intellectual crush on The Hangover. When you can quote, word for word, an entire scene of some book/movie/play/diary, it's likely you like this person more than just a beach read. But please, don't go quoting people's diaries.
In this instance, I have a major intellectual crush on Eddie Izzard. The number of times I have quoted his "cake or death?" and "covered in bees" sketches is not healthy. But hey, executive transvestites are sexy beasts.

2) You feel like you know them, even though you don't.
You've spent so much time stalking this person's wikipedia page reputable biography/blog/YouTube channel, that you know how many tee-shirts they have, what they eat for breakfast, and obviously if they snore or not. You convince yourself that you have hung out with them, and they would most certainly recognize your fabulousness if you met them in person. In reality, you'd probably be so busy fan-girling that you would freak them out. Sorry, the high pitched squeal is not sexy.

Alex Day has four tee-shirts, by the way. I think I have a problem. 

3) You make fun of the same people they make fun of.
I once had an English professor who had the hugest intellectual crush on Lord Byron. They both agree that Wordsworth is "Turdsworth."

4) You desperately wish that they could speak at your graduation. And at your wedding. And birthday. And on Sundays.

5) You channel this person while giving advice to your friend.
When my friends are feeling down, I tell them to not forget to be awesome. It often works.

6) You LOL extra hard while reading their books/watching their movies when your family and friends are around so that they'll become convinced to partake in the fandom and you'll have someone who understands how awesome this person is.

7) You pretend not to, but you stalk their Twitter page like it's about to go our of business (it probably is about to go out of business, but let's pretend that never happened).

8) You rehearse what you're going to say when you do meet them in real life. Oftentimes this involves a hug, a shameless plug for whatever it is you're working on, and, of course, more fangirl screaming.

I once carried a packet of 30 Rock scripts wherever I went, just in case Tina Fey decided to visit State College and realize that a fifteen year old was exactly what she needed on her writing team. As it turns out, stampeding someone with a giant beige packet of stilted dialogue doesn't make the most fantastic first-impression (though Tina, I have yet to meet you).

9) If they're on YouTube and have an upload schedule, the day they post a new video is automatically your favorite day of the week.

My Wednesdays will always be sexual. Thank you, Jenna Marbles.


Namaste.