Hashtags--You Don't Belong Here!

Dear Facebook,
Our relationship started off shaky, but I admit, it was I who got hooked. I told you some secrets--not the deepest darkest ones, but the kind that sound nice and shiny on paper like "Truth is." I remember the old days, when you forced your minions to talk in third person and go through each individual photo to tag their friend's faces. But, for the most part, you kept track of my likes and dislikes, you made my social calendar seem a little less bleak (many thanks), and most of all, you kept your distance from the likes of Twitter, allowing the ironic hashtag to revel in all its glory.

Until now.

It hasn't even been a month since Facebook introduced Hashtags, and already I have seen countless generic statements topped off with #family, #laugh, #hashtagsonfacebook and #selfies.

I understand the importance of organization...hence the timeline. But let me ask you this: how often are you going onto Facebook for the sole purpose of finding that family picture from September 2011, when you had just gotten that god-awful haircut and your siblings were giving you bunny ears?

Irony is slowly turning into serious business. And you know what happens when Facebook starts taking itself too seriously--Mark Zuckerberg goes all crazy and starts having sex with women in bathrooms that he then compares to farm animals. Or something.

I know that you, dear Facebook, are trying to be an all-inclusive social media, but you've been losing the battle ever since grandmothers and college professors started discovering your world. Twitter users need somewhere to feel safe and converse with other humans who don't remember hearing the awful dial-up sound.

Full disclosure: that was the sound of my childhood. Fuck, I'm old.

Instances when Hashtags are alright include: #firstworldproblems #livingontheedge (after your second square of chocolate) and anything else that is obviously making fun of itself.

You, sir, have aired on the side of too serious. You're talking to the generation that watches Wizard Rock. Something must change.

Love, #appreciatorsofsarcasm
(and Kira)

Namaste.