What's In a Name?

I haven't always liked a lot of things about myself. There were years when I had staring contests with myself, convinced that I constantly had to suck in chipmunk cheeks. I didn't like the fact that once I enjoyed something, I became addicted to it. But something I have always liked is my name. It wasn't complicated, but it wasn't plain. It means "sunshine" in Gaelic and repeat my name once and you get "glittery and shining" in Japanese. If that doesn't fit my glitter obsession, I don't know what does.

Because I had no problems with my parents' decision (my mother fortunately vetoed my father's vote for "Zaidico Mac"), I didn't think much about the way we title ourselves. There was a short period in kindergarten when I announced that at 18 I would change my name to "Jaguar," but that was back when 18 was so far away we'd also be flying our jet packs and partying with some robots. It was just another label--we were students, we were humans, we were named. We don't see any horny toads going "hey! I'd really love to be called Knicknack, and I honestly just think of you as a friend."

Enter Shoshoni (right on schedule, as pining after the Ashram occurs about two months after I've left it). There's a certain ritual that much of the staff goes through--getting a spiritual name. It's not required, and there's no schedule that determines when you have to shed your given name. It's not like getting a new hat either--you can't just one day, out of boredom, say "I think I'd really love to be Esmeralda--" because obviously I already took that name when Kira feels too tame. Here, you can take Princess Consuela Banana Hammock instead.

A spiritual name is supposed to represent new beginnings, a sign of spiritual growth. Oftentimes they derive from Hindu Gods and Goddesses. There was actually once a work study at Shoshoni who started as Sarah and ended as Kira.

Look at me, enlightened from the womb. My mom's got some naming skillz, y'all.

I've thought about changing my name, curious to see if it changed how I saw myself or how I acted. Some names I've considered in my life:

-Pamplemousse (means grapefruit en français)
-Satyam (a very yogic way of saying "what you see is what you get")
-Alphonso (Can there please be a girl version of this name? Pretty please?)
-Sheets (to go with Pillow and Blanket--unfortunately, a convenience store has stolen my fabulous idea)
-That girl with the face and the hair (as inspired by a group of basketball players outside my dorm)

I like the idea of having a clear-cut reminder of starting fresh, but it almost feels like a rejection of the past. Plenty of people have changed their names and stayed true to themselves, but to me, it would be as though I was splitting myself in half. How on Earth could I remind myself that I have no fear-a if my name didn't rhyme? What if this other self stopped liking Pop Tarts? Think of the consequences, people!

Have you ever felt like your name doesn't fit you? Would you get a spiritual name?

Namaste.