This is Your Brain. This is Your Brain at Grocery Store.

It's a little painful to admit at 20, but while I've picked up a few things at the grocery store (can you say pre-made pizza?), I've never gone shopping in preparation for an extended period of time. I've helped people shop, I've observed patterns amongst grocery shoppers, but you guys, now I get it. Because as easy as it is to say "make a list and stick with it!", that's before you have a credit card in your hand and a pile of whipped cream in front of your face.

And the reaction goes something like "HOLY SHIT I CAN BUY THINGS."

However, each department brings its own thought process. The bakery thoughts are still stampeding my brain. And so, without farther ado, I present to you...

Your brain at the grocery store!

1) Produce.
Nothing says summer like a watermelon. Except psh, who has time to cut watermelon anymore, when you can have that nice pre-cut looking fruit? It's so much easier to snitch at when I pretend I'm staring the fridge and am secretly eating all of its contents. I should get some blueberries--maybe that will get me motivated to learn how to bake pie.

I don't even like pie. Can I make a blueberry cake?

Why are there "ugly" tomatoes? Don't their feelings get hurt when they're automatically labeled that way? I'm sure they're quite tasty. This is produce discrimination! Maybe I'll put some in my grilled cheese tonight. Mmm, cheese and fruit, that would make a delicious appetizer. Maybe I should get a fruit tray. Hey, you never know when company might stop by.

2) Cheese.
If I get some brie, will it make me more French?
That's a stupid question, of course it will.
I will take all the bries ever made.

3) Bakery.
What I wouldn't give to douse my head in that vat of chocolate.
Obviously if a doughnut is peanut butter filled, it's made to go home with me. Hellooooo.
I wonder how many cupcakes I could eat before getting sick? Better find out.
Why have one birthday cake when you could have five?
Nothing says dessert like one long sugar coma.

4) At the register
Goddamnit, I forgot my re-usable bags again! I'm sorry, environment, for killing you with my plastic bag-usage! I'll never go grocery shopping for as long as I live! Or until I run out of pudding. Whichever comes first.

And it never fails, even if you have worked at a grocery store for over a year, you will still have to be prodded to sign. Whee, epic fails.

Namaste.