(It also helps that I have exactly zero things to do, have been bored out of my skull, and still don't want to leave my house.)
I did it. 30 days of committed, focused yoga. I didn't expect to cry during day 30, given than I have spent far more than 30 days committing to something, but for the first few minutes of this practice, I bawled my eyes out. I felt far more proud of myself for finishing this journey than I did my Master's or Bachelor's degree. Maybe it's because I'm in a place where I am more forgiving and compassionate towards myself (working on it). Or, more likely, this was something that I actively chose, rather than fell into, and that wasn't tied to any expectations. I found inner strength, grace, and power. I found out minute things about myself (during the afternoon slog, rather than take a nap, I could do some yoga), as well as profound observations (power doesn't always equal speed).
Day 29 was celebrate. I tried to conjure up Walt Whitman's "Songs of Myself," because what says yoga like some profound poetry, but instead started singing "Celebrate/Celebrate/Dance to the Music" in my head. But that's the thing about yoga. It can be silly. There have been several moments when Adriene serenades us with song or makes Wu-Tang Clan references. I have long held onto the stigma that yoga has to be So Serious, and that I have failed for not being a vegan with five pet chickens and ten dream catchers.
It turns out that yoga is a lot more fun when you dance around the mat, stick your tongue out in lion's breath, and yell "ta-da-sana!" in mountain pose. That child like quality doesn't have to be situational: we can carry around that sense of joyful exploration wherever we go. But we still have to pay taxes—there's no getting around that.
Just as you don't have to solely honor yourself when you master a pose or drink a green smoothie, you don't have to save celebrating yourself for the end of a project. We have our traditional celebrations: birthdays, Christmas, pre-K graduation (yes this is a thing). The trouble with only associating celebration with these big events is that our lives are on hold up until the next thing, and the post-holiday crash is depleting. We don't have to bake ourselves a cake every week, but we may wake up and celebrate being alive. We might celebrate arriving on the mat, even when we didn't want to.
Day 30 was an enlightening one for me. When I do random Yoga with Adriene videos, I'm almost always drawn to her "day 30" practices. I never complete them though, as her tradition is to practice with us silently, and to let us be our primary yoga guides. For someone who likes being told what to do, this is a daunting notion.
As this was the only practice where Adriene didn't talk, it was also the only practice with music. I am not a huge music aficionado, but when I move to music, my soul comes alive. I had gathered all of Adriene's words: "tap into your spirit," "find what makes you feel alive," "find what feels good," and used the music to guide me through the practice. It made me remember the "high" that I get out of performing. When I am dancing, I am free.
I chose the Dedicate series because it was the most recent. But as I'm a semi-believer in the "things happen for a reason" phenomenon, I find intentionality in this theme. On a physical level, I am not the best yogi or dancer. I haven't always been the greatest at making time for myself. But when I was getting my Master's, I remember writing "I'm not the smartest person in the universe, but the dedication is there, and that's a powerful force in grad school." Similar to the notion that 80% of success is just showing, the power of dedication extends to everything we do. And we can do it mindfully. In the case of this summer, I needed to take time to dedicate to myself. Not to put on sheet masks and take bubble baths, but to ask for help, and to do what I really needed to recover.
Ending things is not always easy. I have been particularly sensitive to ending relationships, to ending time in an apartment, and most damaging has been my reaction to ending school. Another mantra of Adriene's, "don't decide where it ends," is powerful. Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean the fond memories and growing experiences dissipate. Moving doesn't mean you can never again have a cozy home. Graduating or leaving school doesn't stop you from continuing to learn for the rest of your life.
So don't decide where it ends. If something feels good, keep going. I have seen many members of the Yoga with Adriene community say that while they're sad this series has ended, they're going to go back and do Adriene's other 30 day journeys. So while I won't daily blog this time, I'm dedicating myself into the next chapter of exploration: True. Finding the true self, a true purpose, and a true dedication to the self.
Namaste.
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