Also, I've started getting tantalizingly closer to the end of the series, which makes me want to race through the final ten days. But slowing down is one of the biggest lessons in yoga, and bulldozing through ten daily yoga practices in two seems a little counterintuitive to the process.
Thankfully, today's practice was another gentle one. I have been introduced to the concept of listening many times in various yoga studios, but the emphasis is usually on listening to the body and making corresponding modifications. Adriene slid past that part, as she stated that by day 19, we were starting to make headway in intuitive movement.
Instead, today's practice mainly focused on the breath: "listen to the breath, not just because it's what we do in yoga, but because we can start to think of the breath as our spirit, as our heart's song."
(It was all I could do not to burst out into Roxette's "Listen to Your Heart.")
This initially sounded a tad too faux-philosopher, but as I thought about it, I realized that through the breath, I have begun to truly get a sense of my spirit. Just as I was tempted to bulldoze through the remaining yoga practices, I have had a tendency to bulldoze through life. People who see me in public contexts have said I am relentlessly positive, cheerful, and vivacious. I was quirky and fun and energetic, and couldn't escape these labels, no matter how outdated they felt.
Part of this transition into a more reserved and observant person comes from getting older (also, getting medicated). But it also largely comes from a dedication to listening to a true spirit: not a personality, not a label that I feel I should fulfill.
In cognitive behavioral therapy, there is a minor linguistic shift that invites a drastic mindset change: rather than speak in "shoulds," CBT offers a change to "coulds." I could be the ecstatic energizer bunny, but I could also step away and be quiet for a while. When we squeeze ourselves into labels, or think we are only worthy when we keep doing or producing, we don't have time or space to listen to our hearts' songs.
In the past 19 days, most of Adriene's practices have led me to a revelation that I am not a person who handles extreme busy-ness or stress very well. While life inevitably throws stressors at you, plunging headfirst into a thousand commitments is a surefire way for me to burn out and crash. And as a person who lives in extremes, I am either running from place to place, trying to do everything, or I'm completely halted with no job, no motivation, and no sense of purpose.
Of the many benefits of daily yoga, practicing the middle way is the most essential and life-saving for me.
I'm becoming a less energetic person at 25, and with that comes the realization that I may need to slow down more than the average person. It's disappointing to recognize that I can't do as many things as I would like to, especially with an awareness the PhD programs often prioritize hyper-productivity, but listening to my body and my breath (and also listening to others say I was wilting and lifeless after my attempts to maintain 3 jobs and a number of other stressors), I've come to the revelation that in order to maintain a sustainable life, I have to ease into my commitments and truly listen to where my heart is taking me.
Namaste.
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