Day 17: Learn

As a perpetual student, I was looking for today's theme: learn. While I prefer to learn new research methods, or new findings in feminist research, I've also been more open (another theme in yoga) to learning things about myself, about yoga, and about the world. I'm no stranger to analyzing myself, but it's usually been through a critical lens. Adriene presents learning about the self through curiosity, inquiry, and kindness towards the self.

I recently looked back to Adriene's very first video, and the entire basis of her channel was to find what feels good. Adriene brought this up in today's practice, making an important linguistic distinction: "I prefer the term 'find what feels good' as opposed to 'do what feels good.'"

We often face a lot of pressure—either internal or external—to know what we want, to head full force into life doing what drives us, what pulls us into hours of dedicated practice. I've always been jealous of musicians, artists, and writers who have always known that they need to put their art into the world, and can't imagine doing anything else.

But much like research, self-study is best achieved by a sense of genuine curiosity. Way back in the dark ages of this blog, I wrote a post called "If Self Study Would Have a Textbook." While this post mainly explored the paradox between yogi and and materialist shopper, the title speaks volumes about how I see the world: I want to be told what to do, to be in school forever, and to have an adulting manual. If I could have office hours for life, I would be in bliss (although come to think of it, that's essentially therapy).

I very much see my identity as a student. When I graduated my Master's degree, I flailed for an entire year, trying to make my way in the world. I considered myself a failure for leaving two jobs early. I saw each stressful life event as a terrible obstacle that sent me into a spiral of panic. It's easier said than done, but "when we get in the habit of simply allowing, then we're more open and available to whatever life lessons come come our way that ultimately teach and guide us" (Adriene).

Even during my summer-long hiatus where I have very few major stressors and painful life lessons, I have learned a few things about myself. Routine bedtimes and wakeup times, while difficult to maintain, are exceptionally helpful in preventing a spiral of self-inflicted disruption, worry, and panic. When it's late afternoon and all I want to do is nap, doing a quick yoga practice or taking a walk helps me resist the temptation to slump into a slumber.

Most importantly, you don't have to be in a formal classroom in order to be a student. As Adriene reminds us, "daily yoga is a wonderful way to continue to be a student of life, of art, of the world." I often fear another crash after (or if) I finish school. A PhD is it; I can't keep collecting degrees. But this practice helped me see that just because I will no longer have the official title of "student," that doesn't mean I ever have to stop learning.

Namaste.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLUpUKTkpis