Day 16: Dulce

No, not "and Gabana." Day 16—Dulce (or sweet 16)—was another slow, gentle practice that began with a head and foot massage. A different mindful meditation from day 8, Dulce reminded us to be sweet for ourselves, and to do kind things for ourselves that we often look to others to fulfill.

But much like a sweet 16, I tend to practice what I deem self-love with material items: "you deserve these 5 new sweaters because you worked hard to find a job!" "Makeup brings you joy; you can just get this one." The trouble with practicing self-love with material items is that A) you deplete your savings or checking account, thus leading to more stress, and B) those new things won't be so new in a few weeks or months.

I have a tendency to go to extremes, so I'm either refusing to buy anything ever, or I'm charging my credit card like the world is about to end. One dress, one lipstick, or one nice sweater is a fine act of self-care. Ten dresses isn't.

A nice thing about Adriene's practice is that she embodies and physically guides us through the theme of each day. Rather than say "be kind to yourself and practice small gestures of self-love" (to which I say, "well I love Gilmore Girls; can I watch that all day?"), she shows what kinds of small gestures she's referring to. Giving yourself a shoulder massage takes all of two minutes and doesn't cost anything. Getting a 90 minute massage every week costs a hell of a lot of money and time.

In keeping with the theme of the middle way, which is essentially what every yoga practice boils down to, you can do nice things for yourself (and others) without overdoing them.

As I approach my PhD program, I have felt a lot of trepidation about being busy. I have heard the "marathon, not a sprint" mantra several times, but have trouble enacting that practice. I'll have 2-3 intense months of productivity, then burn out. When thinking about self-care, I have a tendency to think that if I can't devote an hour to a yoga practice, then it's not worth doing at all. Or if I'm not sweating by the end of the practice, then what's the point?

https://shoutitoutdesign.com/how-busy-is-too-busy/

Of course, Adriene has got you covered. If you're having trouble taking 10 or 15 minutes to initiate your own self-care break, being guided through a 10 minute practice can be helpful in helping ourselves get into a mindful mindset.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpW33Celubg

One of my recurring realizations throughout this journey is that self-care doesn't equate to enabling. As is well-established, I feel most comfortable sequestered in my room with a blanket, a book, and/or a writing project. A large portion of self-care does involve living in the moment, but it's also important to think about what will benefit you long-term. Being detached from nature, from people, and from experiences can feel safe in the moment, but it can also perpetuate a cyclical thought pattern of "I'm a loser. I haven't done anything in my life." 

Yes, I know that it is my life's mission to make everything a paradox. But in this case, it's true. Self-care involves what you need in the moment (And Adriene made the pleasant reminder that sometimes it's okay to sleep in), but it can also look like a gentle push to get you out of your comfort zone. 

As cheesy as it feels, taking the time to give yourself a massage or take a hike (even when you're just too busy to do anything besides work) can prevent burnout, can help you trust yourself to make good decisions, and to give you the sweetness that you deserve.

Namaste.