In Defense of Water: Tales of an Excessive Water-Drinker

So the other night, my roommates were trying to convince me that water was the root of all evil and that surely I would drown in all the water I consumed. As the resident water-drinker, I usually consume about five bottles a day, more if I decide to brave the world of workouts. Having grown up in a strict "8 glasses a day" household, I didn't see anything particularly strange about staying hydrated, but having flocked from the nest of water enthusiasts, I've had to deal with the "why do you drink so much water?" comments. However, I've also learned to appreciate the perks of being an H2O addict.


1) It saves calories.
The reason that I allow myself to inhale pints of ice cream and not swell up to 500 pounds is because I literally save all of my calories for food, minus the calories in my overly indulgent essential coffee creamer. Like, if I drank milk or juice, or especially any alcohol of sorts, I would never be able to eat. I mean, besides the fact that water keeps you full, it also allows 400-600 extra fun calories that you wouldn't have if you drank a glass or two of milk. The only way I could see one skirting around this rule is drinking so much alcohol that you, erm, don't keep it in your system, and, spoiler alert, that's so not as fun as it seems.


2) It gives you a reason to leave whatever boring/uncomfortable/obnoxious situation you're in.
Sure, you can use the bathroom excuse, but use it too much and people are going to start to wonder if you have a bladder problem. However, if you just keep chugging water, you can keep using the excuse that your bottle is empty, and may I refill please and thank you? In fifth grade, during every single lunch period, I would evade the daily "he said that she said"s by excusing myself to the water fountain. Being hydrated saves an awful lot of drama, remember that.


3) It's impressive.
Okay, so it may be a small bragging point, but people are always amazed by healthy habits, and since I'm not usually one to exhibit said healthy habits, I'll take what I can get. For instance, I'm always in awe of my roommate's gym-going, carrot-eating ways, and I think gosh if only I could be her! Well, beverage-wise, I am that person, and as an English major, I don't get many chances to be that person, so hah.


4) It gives you something to do with your hands.
As someone who can never sit still, I can either busy myself by constantly holding a water bottle, by obsessively checking Facebook, or by tearing at my nails so much that they start to bleed. As Facebook just makes me disappointed in the nature of humanity, and I'd rather not mutilate my body, water-holding/drinking seems to be the only practical alternative.


Plus, it keeps you alive and stuff. So there's that.


Namaste.