So I've lived with a roommate for the past three years now, and while I'm not about to call myself an expert in the business of living with other humans, I've noticed some things that make it slightly less tempting to storm out in a rage, screaming "HOW DARE YOU MOVE MY COMPUTER TWO INCHES??". Having lived with my best friend, as well as people I didn't know that well prior to rooming to together, I was surprised to see that most of the "strategies" for living with a friend didn't differ much from living with strangers. I'm still sort of learning how to roommate, but until then, I have a semi-comprehensive list of strategies to learn not to want to tear your roommate's hair out:
1) Don't spend all your free time in your living space.
This is especially important if you don't have your own room. I'm not saying you have to avoid your home completely, but if you and your roommate are always doing homework in the same room, always eating together, and constantly breathing the same air, no matter how friendly you are, there will be some tension. You will both have habits that seem second nature to you, that annoy the hell out of your roommate. Besides, it gets a little claustrophobic if you spend ALL of your time in a tiny enclosed space.
2) Pick your battles.
There will be things that your roommate does that will make you want to scream "how are you even a person?!" That's all fine and good, and we should all question why we're people really, but if you do this with every tiny habit, you'll constantly be fighting. That's not to say that you should cower in fear of ever having an annoyed exchange with your roommate, but if it doesn't wildly affect your day-to-day life, it's probably best to just let it go. If they're keeping you up until 2:00 A.M. going "no you hang up. No, you," then you can be all, "hey, quiet down, so I don't murder you with a spoon tomorrow." But if you're annoyed because he/she left a single dirty spoon in the sink, that's a good time to practice being the zen-roommate.
3) Appreciate the importance of doors.
This rule goes two ways: 1) If you have doors, knock on them. And 2) Try to stay away from apartments that have no doors. I once lived in a concrete box with my roommate, where everything was "closed off" by curtains, and you really can't knock on a curtain. Believe me, I've tried.
4) Have an occasional get-together.
You don't have to be attached at the hip, and more often than not, it's easier to go about your routine and say the occasional "hello" to your roommate. But before you realize "hey, I just happen to be living with this stranger," try to arrange your schedules to have a monthly dinner or movie or discussion of the meaning of life. Some of the best moments of this year have happened when my three roommates and I were all together discussing bras and other embarrasingly girly things.
5) Define the meaning of otherwise vague words.
It may seem perfectly reasonable to you to say "make sure guests leave by a reasonable hour," or "let's keep everything somewhat clean," but I've quickly realized that definitions of these sorts of words vary drastically. To limit confusion and resentment, try to set rules such as "guests leave by midnight," or "we'll clean every two weeks."
I'm sure that after having transitioned from one roommate to three, I'll have a part two of this blog, but for now, I leave you with the advice to try really hard not to scream at/kill anyone you're living with. It's bad practice to kill people and all that jazz.
Namaste.
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