Your Guide to Quarter-Life Crises

We all have them, don't lie. You see that "nah, not me" face you're making? Stoppit.
Whether you're in college, have just graduated, or spent a few years in your high school job, there's a point where you go "what the hell am I doing?" and hope to the heavens that once you hit 30, there's some secret book that tells you how to do life properly.

So how do we fix these crises? *shrug* I don't know, you're asking the person who spent five hours watching Grey's Anatomy because she didn't want to think about her own life. The escapist route is the most common one for those going through this crisis, but it manifests itself in strange ways.

Allow me to elaborate.

1) The traveler
This person, when stuck at his own home, must dwell in his own uncertainty and be reminded that he hasn't washed his sheets in four years. But, with a different background and more superficial friends, he can certainly forget about the misery he'll have to subject himself to when he returns home for an office job. The traveler often has no problem getting into massive debt as he hops from hostel to hostel and orders various teas in England. When asked what his address is, the traveler will stop and stare for a little bit, answer with a vague "I'm home free" and drink some French wine.

It can be difficult to differentiate someone who travels out of fear, versus someone who travels because they're ambitious and enjoy real brie. Usually, the quarter-life-crisis traveler can be spotted when he clearly hasn't showered in a month, and starts drooling at the sight of a hamburger. 

2) The Mommy-Moocher.
This person enjoys taking two things: Free food and her childhood. The Mommy Moocher pretends growing up is something she can try on, but she can always go back to her overly pink room and breakfasts that magically appear in the kitchen. She avoids freaking out over her rent by pretending that her parents are superheros who can fix everything by simply snapping a finger. Apparently this person's been watching too many musicals, because when else have you seen snapping a finger do anything except annoy your cat?

It isn't uncommon for this person to go back to her childhood home, make a fort, and proceed to color under it.

3) The over-compensator.
It is likely that ever since this person blew out 18 candles, they've been thinking "HOLY SHIT WHAT AM I DOING HOW DO I ACT...WHAT ARE THIS?"
Kudos if you got the reference.
But instead of letting his peers smell weakness, this person pretends that he's got it under control. He reads a few law books, memorizes a few bits of jargon, and spends an entire month's paycheck on some suits. This helps innocent passersby undergo the illusion that this person, when scared, becomes awesome instead.
Oftentimes, you will hear this person talk of the "next great project." This is normally followed by "when I have money."  

4) The mental escapist.
The mental escapist uses television as a safety net. This allows her to stop thinking about where her life is not going, and to instead, laugh at grown women who never grew out their partying phase (cough cough Snooki cough). The mental escapist is likely to use television that requires little brain activity, such as Gossip Girl or America's Next Top Model (which is becoming co-ed this season...whaaat?). Oftentimes this person has the most wrecked of sleep schedules, because they lose themselves in a season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and realize it's 4A.M.

You can often spot a mental escapist when you hear someone who quotes other people's words than come up with their own.

Namaste.