My Makeup Addiction: The Eyeliner Edition

So as you might have learned from my last makeup post, Ulta opened up in town. It's not like it's impossible to get quality makeup elsewhere, but c'mon, who passes up a store entirely devoted to glittery stuff, nail polish that smells like coconut, and neon things that you can stick in your eye?

Sane people who have to save up for an apartment, that's who.

The thing about my friends and I, is that we are very routine-driven creatures. We can spend a year watching Alex Reads Twilight and we wouldn't be bored by a second of it.

To our future neighbors who have to hear us singing to Mulan and watching Edie Izzard: Dress to Kill for the millionth time, my apologies.

So as we prefer doing the same thing, we've gotten to know Dairy Queen quite well. But you can't just end a hangout at ice cream. That's social suicide, obviously. And so, for the past week, as my friends and I have purchased our hot fudge sundaes and brownie blizzards, the next thing that comes out of one of our mouths is "let's go to Ulta!"

Why? Why? There's only one shade of foundation that matches one's skin. A little bronzer goes a long way. Hell, we only have two eyes. There's only so much eyeliner and eyeshadow you need before you start looking like a very confused chameleon.

But apparently I'm on a mission to buy all the colors of all the things.

Because you know what you need when you have career hair? Career lipstick. Which, as it turns out, must be something other than hot pink. Who knew?

And once you hit the eye color mission, you find colors that are so alike in color, you can't even notice the difference. But one is titled espresso and the other is titled iced coffee, and who can possibly only take one coffee inspired eyeliner? That's like Sophie's choice!

Then there's the rewards. Ulta doesn't just say "hey, once you spend $100,000 you get a poorly baked cookie and 15% off the next purchase" (Hot Topic, I'm looking at you). No, you get a free gift bag, if you spend $20 on Ulta brand product. And do you know what is in that gift bag? More career lipstick. Obviously one must spring for such a gift. Plus you get a new bag to put all your shit you don't need precious makeup in.

The ironic thing is that all these purchases happened right before school starts. And school, by definition is a time when you have neither time nor money to makeup-ify. And so, the makeup sits in its ten thousand pouches, just waiting for its purpose to fulfilled. And then it starts to get abandonment issues and wonders if it just looked tempting in that beautiful fluorescent light, and is just useless powder that makes skin look orange. 

I literally spent an hour before my camping trip putting on all my eyeliners so they wouldn't feel hurt. They didn't feel hurt, but my eyes sure did.

I mean, as fun as it is to put on makeup, it's not an essential. We just force ourselves to believe it is, and then we spend entire camping trip wondering if our skin looks presentable to passing fish. Like, maybe that trout is opposed to pimples, and that bass over there refuses to go near humans without seafoam green eyeliner.

Hey, it has the word "sea" in it. Anything's possible.

Not only is there the addiction to wearing makeup, but the addiction of staring at it is almost as strong. Like, my best friend and I could have spent two hours productively writing and singing at the top of our lungs editing. Instead, we spent the first hour dumping all my makeup onto my floor and staring at it. We would ooh and ahh at white liquid eyeliner--and I'll tell ya, blogs don't write themselves while you're staring at overpriced chemicals.

I don't know how I spent a month without makeup, because clearly now I cannot live with shelling out entire paychecks to poke myself in the eye.

Namaste.