Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Walk on: Your Guide to Pedestrian Prototypes

As one of many pedestrians on Penn State's campus, I've done some observing during my fifteen minute sprints to and from class. While last semester I could just kinda roll out of bed and appear in my classroom, this semester proves a farther challenge: Getting from the East end of campus to the West end in the time it would take me to eat a slice of pizza.

This brings thirty minutes or less to a whole new level.

So until apparating becomes legal on school grounds (and, you know, physically possible for muggles), I'm gonna have to truck it to English. But ever since entering the freshman badlands that is East halls, I've noticed, 1) that bikers' favorite catch phrases are: "I'm on the highest gear in the world!" and "get out of the way!" Bikers aside, I've also noted that there are many different types of walkers. And so, friends, I present to you:

Kira's list of pedestrian people:

1) The meander-er
This person enjoys seeing the view, commenting on the lovely weather we're having, perhaps stopping to pick up a dandelion or two. A meditative walker, this person sees no rush, even when they're ten million minutes late to class. A walk contains no destiny in the meander-er's mind, only a journey. The point is discovering, pondering, and not scuffing up your shoes by the time you get to class.

2) The "move it or I'll smack you in the face with my textbooks"
This pedestrian is always in a rush, not only to be on time, but early. They let the mountains and sunny skies fly past them as they're sprinting to class. Even a cute puppy leaves no room for stopping. They're determined--those people with the grimaces on their faces? That's a clear signal that they're the ones who won't stop, not even for free food. And we all know how much college students love free food. These walkers see the destination as the journey, and they won't breathe until they get there (oftentimes, you will see this type overburdened by a million credits, honors courses, and volunteer work).

3) The "oh heyyyyyy!"
The "oh heyyy" will always find someone to catch up with--even if it's that guy who was kinda weird in your intro to something-ism class. The sidewalk, to this pedestrian, is the perfect place to start a deep conversation about the meaning of life and make dinner plans. The "oh hey" is also known to practically tackle the target of choice; alternatively, they may choose the making someone (as Jenna Marbles may say) blind as a fucking bat and "guess who?" approach.

4) The jogger.
I don't understand you. Really I don't.

Next time, I'm taking the bus.

Namaste.

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