Things Parents don't Understand about their 90's Babies

I love my parents as much as the next person, and their pretty chill with my technology-crazed self despite their lack of something, but no matter how much I try to explain certain aspects of life that us 90's babies take for granted, I see their eyes glaze over, or worse, I hear a "why the hell would you do that?"
It's because Twitter does things to people, parents. Don't underestimate the power of 150 characters. So, like any person who would like to enlighten other generations of sorts, I give you...

Kira's list of things parents fail to understand about their 90's babies:

1) No matter how witty, sweet, or informative your voicemail is--even if it begins with Coldplay itself beating on some drums--we will not listen to your voicemail. No exceptions. Even "hey, call me back" gets lost in the universe when people actually called each other. We'll get the little notification thingy on the phone button, then proceed to text "hey you called, what's up?" If, for some reason, we are forced to actually interact with people's voices, we will text you to see if now is an okay time to talk.

2) We're not facebook stalking. We're gathering information. How else will we know to talk about Metallica when we want to impress that guy in our bio class?

3) "Truth is" is not about the truth. Facebook makes us no more blunt, it just transfers our mind games to the internet world. Truth is was designed by people who are obsessed with flattery and giving people superficial compliments because it looks nice and shiny on their walls. Speaking of which...

4) When we refer to "writing on someone's wall," we are not taking marker and scribbling in a person's bedroom. No, we continue to write cheesy compliments on internet walls and hope they remain permanent for future generations to realize how desperate we were for approval from our peers.

5) Email is outdated. Letters are cool because they're antique. We check email for the soul purpose of yelling at Amazon when they screw up our textbook orders and hoping to the heavens above that class is canceled.

6) When we text while you're talking, it doesn't mean we're not interested in what you're saying. We simply find it impossible to ever do one thing at a time. We live in a generation where we watch movies and write novels at the same time. We need something to do with our hands so that we can get distracted from the sorry state of the world--and as it turns out, texting is a more socially acceptable way of providing such distractions than playing with a bunch of stuffed animals.

Also, if said texter is under the age of 25, their sex lives' fate most likely depends on those texts. You're welcome.

7) We watch youtube vloggers, 1) because they're short and our attention span can no longer stand films, and 2) we feel like we know the vloggers, like they're talking directly to us. Sure, our comments get lost in the strand of fangirls and creepers, but don't snap us out of our fantasy that we have deep connections with Alex Day. It will only make us cry.

8) Texting "U R 2 Cewl" does not make you hip. Sorry.

Namaste.