What's Next? (AKA the Massive Panic Attack)

I've seen this day looming. Stepping into my dorm freshman year, I made sure to remind myself that I couldn't get too cozy in the security blanket that is college. The very notion of entering the real world in a mere four years left me into a puddle of sweat--well, it was either that, or Penn State's brilliant idea to boil all of their students.

However, just because I'd heard of the "real world" lurking about, my idea of it was similar to how one might react to the apocalypse or Bigfoot. You've heard the anecdotes, you've sensed its presence, but you're almost positive you won't have to personally deal with it. Because people who use Netflix and sour patch kids to escape never have to deal with anything, right?

Ah, to be young and gaining the freshman 15 again

Welp, that day is here. Or rather, about to be here in 2 seconds flat. And yet. Adulting is still hard.

Having reached the first semester of my senior year, I've taken more time to indulge in my favorite activity: eating obscene amounts of ice cream. But in addition, I've had more time to reflect on where I've been, where I'm going, blah, blah, Lifetime movie crap, blah. 

I can't blame this all on time, though. Even since freshman year, I would convince myself that because I didn't have a five (million) year plan, my life was over, everything would come crashing down, and that a schlump like me shouldn't be in college in the first place.

You'd think that at this point I would have been smart enough to come up with a five year plan for anxiety and depression, but noo, this was just reason to panic more.

Fortunately for me, I documented all my years of insanity careful planning and dug up this post. And while I'm probably not going to traipse around an ashram from an entire year (don't quote me on that though), one thing has remained consistent: I will do anything to avoid the 9-5 lifestyle. It's like I'm refusing to admit to myself that jobs exist. Like, for people. With degrees and shit.

But you know what they say about jobs.

No, Kira, what do they say about jobs, other than the fact that they help you put a roof over your head and food in your stomach? 

Thanks, left brain. I got the rest of this post covered.

As it stands, not much has changed. I'm still applying to one grad program in rhetoric and composition. Just one--count it, I'm sure you won't.

In the words of my advisor, "applying to just one grad program is kind of a kooky thing to do." Then again, if it wasn't kooky, it wouldn't be me. At the very least, that's what I'll tell myself when I do exactly what I intended NOT to do and roam at the ashram for a year.

Yes, that's still in the works--something that requires no degree or marketable skills. Something that allows no makeup or dessert on weekdays. I sure know how to pick 'em.

(In all honesty, Shoshoni was amazing and life-changing and I'm eternally grateful that my first quarter-life crisis led me there. But still. The lack of makeup was a struggle.)

However, the third and final option is by far the "kookiest," and, coincidentally, the idea that I am most excited about: teaching English in South Korea.

I've never set foot out of the United States in my life. I have yet to see a k-drama or listen to k-pop. But sure, let me just pack my bags and jet off to the other side of the world. That sounds good.

I'm known for a lot things here at Coffee, Yoga, and Life's Other Necessities, but logical decision-making is not one of them.

However, unlike my decision to jet off to Colorado to panic about my impending doom in the adult world, the decision to go to Korea had some degree of level-headed thought to it. As it turns out, there is a multitude of benefits that go along with being aggressively anti-office job:

1) $$$$$$$. Might I just add that I picked the field that has zero money and zero job prospects. Teaching English in Korean public schools generally gets you about $2000 a month--this is already seeming pretty solid, considering that the school pays for your housing and utilities are like two bucks a month.

2) Travel. Contrary to popular belief, my lack of travel doesn't stem from a hatred of other cultures or pure laziness. See reason #1 for an explanation. The sheer lack of money paired with the prospect of not being up to my ears in student loans has kept me in this State College bubble for 22 years. To say I am ready to get out of here is putting it lightly. It's gotten to the point where, every time I step outside of my apartment and walk the exact same route to the exact same campus, I have to remind myself that there is, in fact, a world outside of State College, and that I do, in fact, have access to it. Shocker.

3) Fear. This seems counter-intuitive, but it's easy enough to get comfortable in a simple routine in a familiar setting. Does anyone else get that "itch" to experience life turned upside down? No? Just me?
Moving on, then...

4) Learning a new skill. While I've never had a desperate desire to become a teacher, it is a marketable skill that is a HUGE help for overcoming shyness and uncertainty. Even my brief stints as a TA/tutor demonstrated just how much of an impact teaching can have on your confidence--mostly out of necessity. If you are not convinced that your authority matters, no one else will, either. Enhancing these types of skills are almost expected of me as a "young person," and, regardless of my long-term goals, teaching and managing classrooms can only open more doors.

Even if they are doors to my house. At least I can say I tried.

Namaste.