Don't Suffocate Voldemort! Fun Times With Quirrell

So, the other night I was watching A Very Potter Musical. As realistic a portrayal as it gave (I mean, c'mon we totally knew Draco had a thing for Hermione, right?), Quirrell's relationship with the dark lord made me wonder--how easy is it really to share the back of your head with someone? Sure, Quirrell didn't really have a choice in the matter--when the powers of evil genius request to kindly share your head so they can suck your soul, you obey, everyone knows that. But I personally believe that Quirrell sported that turban not just to hide the dark lord, but also to hide the fact that he hadn't been able to wash his head in months. Because drowning Voldemort is not something Death Eaters would take to kindly.

Unless Quirrell was secretly a vampire too, he had to sleep to y'know, not go crazy. But his sleeping positions must have been severely limited--perhaps suffocating the dark lord is less extreme than drowning him, but I'm sure Bellatrix would be all "no Quirrell, why did you do that, Avada Kedavra and stuff." And nothing to ruin a party like killing curses.

This begs the question: Did Voldemort even need to breathe? Being only half alive, and the small issue that he doesn't have a nose, does he still need an oxygen flow to his brain to conjure up evil mastermind plans?

I mean, if I were Voldemort, I'd just make Quirrell sleep on his stomach and hope for the best.

And it's not just sleeping. Even if Quirrell stayed perfectly still on his side, he'd still have to sacrifice head-washing and hats--think about: If Quirrell wore a baseball cap frontwards, that would mean Voldemort was rocking the gangster backwards look, and everyone knows that's not the right look for an evil skin tone.

If you think about it, that whole soul-sucking thing isn't the worst of it. It's the fact that Quirrell had to go an extended period of time with the inability to thrash around in his sleep, or wear hats.

And what is the point of life anymore when you can't wear hats?

Namaste.