How to College, the Kira Version

So it may strike some of you as utterly shocking, but my college experience has been about as normal as a micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties (props if you get the reference). I go to bed at midnight at the latest, and a wild game of "never have I ever" involves shots of water. Because my friends have all taken this abnormal college-ing route, it seems perfectly natural to me. However, to the outside observer, staying in and coloring on a Friday night is an odd practice, and requires farther explanation.

So, without farther ado, I present to you, how to college, the Kira version!

1) Instead of drowning your sorrows/stress in a can of beer, use Ben & Jerrys ice cream as a substitute. Take small bites of a pint at hourly intervals, so it feels like you're not consuming any calories. Then freak out when you gain 15 pounds, and claim "but I never ate anything bad for me!" (Because you're still under the impression that if you eat it secretly, it's not food).

2) To pretend that you have no social life by choice, get three weeks ahead in all your classes, and make all your classmates hate you, because you have officially become "that person."

3) Then when you FINALLY have no more homework to do for the rest of forever, have a wild night of coloring with your friends.

My poor attempt at the deathly hallows, and some 3D boxes

4) Make a drinking game with your friends (water only, because YOLO) where you read your journal and take a shot every time you mention your obsession's crush's name, every time you feel bad about yourself, every time you have multiple entries in the same day, every time you make up a word (like ridonculous), every time you say "gahhhhh I like him," and by this time you're all "wasted" on the floor.

All I can say is sixteen year old me was feeling a little...not myself.

5) Spend more time arguing about Star Wars with your boyfriend than you spend doing your hair.

6) You take like, two hours taming the beast doing your hair. You do the math.

You sure I can't wear this in public?

7) Have a Cards Against Humanity tournament, in which more than half the cards involve Justin Timberlake.

8) Make sure this tournament is with your mother, because you legitimately hang out with your family like friends.

9) Go out of your way to avoid get-togethers far away from your apartment, because you're well over sixteen years old, and driving is STILL the scariest thing you can possibly think of. 

10) Become so terrified that you won't get an A on a paper, write three different versions, show them to your friends, and make them decide which one is the best.

This is not a drill. I am really the neurotic.

11) Drag your tired ass to yoga when you can get the energy once a week, and pretend it's because you want balance in your life, you can't live without a solid half hour of meditation, and look at you, you're so mature with that whole mind/body union...but secretly you're trying to find someway to burn off that Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and you detest running oh so very much.

So how much chocolate can I eat after this?

12) Drink so much coffee, every inch of your body starts shaking, and the baristas at every Starbucks in town know you by name.


And finally, wear so much glitter, you look like a disco ball. That is essential.

Namaste.