If Shakespeare characters had Facebook

So after spending a semester reading various Shakespeare plays, I get that Shakespeare is timeless and relevant to modern day society--I understand that my high school English teachers have been right all along, that classics never die, blah, blah, blah. I've even enjoyed relating certain Shakespeare plays to my own life. But what really got to me was Much Ado About Nothing. For those of you who haven't read the play, basically this guy really fancies this one girl, and his friend is all "hey, I'll get the girl for you, since you're too scared to go up to her and be a person." And the guy with the crush goes "thanks man, that would be swell." Then the other couple just shoots insults at each other, basically making Shakespearean "your face" jokes until they realize that oh wait, that means they love each other, who would have thunk it.


Basically, everything that happens in this play also happens in high school, minus the constant texts and Facebook updates. But it made me wonder what would happen if Romeo and Juliet were able to tag each other in posts, what would happen if Falstaff could post Buzzfeed quizzes on his wall. If Shakespeare characters lived in the 21st century, what would their social media look like?


Romeo

 

November 20th: "Baking pumpkin pie with the most beautiful girl in the world, Juliet Capulet! Babe, I'm sooo lucky I met you last week, and can't wait to bake you pies for the rest of my life!"


November 21st: Romeo Montague>Juliet Capulet: "I love you, Julsie! <3 #whereforartthousobeautiful"


November 22nd: "Ugh, why are parents such asses? Can't a guy just marry a girl already?"


November 23rd: *posts One Direction song on Juliet's wall*

November 25th: "Btw guys, I'm not dead, just pretending to be for love and all that. Juliet Capulet <3" 


Hamlet
November 20th: "Sometimes I wish I could just slip away from the universe..."
*concerned friend posts comment*
 "God, why can't people just leave me alone??"


*emo Green Day song lyrics*
*more emo song lyrics*

Othello
November 20th: *posts Thought Catalog article 10 signs she's cheating on you* "maybe someeeebody should look at this."

*when nobody comments on said Thought Catalog article* "F*** this, I'm done. I need somebody new to talk to. Iago hmu for poker nightttt."

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more." 

This. 

"So over girls! I need a woman in my life."
"Awful day...don't ask me about it. I just need to be alone." 
*wonders why no one responded to previous status.*

Falstaff
November 20th: "Just got done with my shift at McDonald's! Who wants to hit the bars tonight?"

November 25th: "Everyone's getting married and becoming kings and I'm just like LOL who wants to drink tequila shots tonight?"
 
December 1st: "Who needs to rule a kingdom when you can have 500 calories worth of eggnog instead?"

Somehow, the characters seem a lot less mature and sophisticated when they start speaking in text speak. All I can say is it would've saved Romeo and Juliet a lot of grief.

Namaste.