When Poets are Sissies: Your "get out of jail free" Card

So you're in the middle of English class, right? All your classmates are saying intellectual, well thought out things. They all sound like old, wisened scholars of the literary world. You get the urge to talk (bad sign). You slowly raise your hand (even worse sign). You make eye contact with your english professor (AAAAH JUST STOP NOW, GODDAMIT!).

"Yes, Kira?" Your professor says--the beginning words to doomsday.
You begin your sentence with confidence, like you've written a dissertation, but as you see the raised eyebrows, the enraged expression, you lose a little ground. Your phrase ends up sounding a little something like:

"I THINK MATTHEW...arnold...w---as...a, erm, sissy."

And the thunder claps. The literary rain pours. Oh god, you think, panicking. How can I ever get out of this one?

Your teacher is not amused, that much is obvious. You can see his fingers grappling for his angry red pen. You think of the damage this could do to your GPA.

What do you do? What can you do?

There are several ways to go about such a situation.

1) Got great gag reflexes? Throw up. You can blame anything on sickness. Your classmates will probably think you're disgusting for the rest of eternity, but that's a small price to pay when your future is at stake here.

2) Pretend you're from France (you should do this on a daily basis, anyway)
"Oh, ees zhat zhee right word? Je ne sais pas. I seenk I meant 'zhee greatest poète of all zhee times'"
No one can stay mad at the French. Except for...the rest of the world.

3) Say you have the hots for sissies. But actually, don't.

4) Write a gleaming essay celebrating all of Matthew Arnold's work and tell your prof you did it "just for fun."
Note: If your professor is a grad student, he will believe this claim. Because that is exactly what grad students do for fun.

5) Run. Fast.

And if all else fails, embellish on your statement by saying "Matthew Arnold was a sissy, but Byron is my hero. As are you." Watch as gold stars fall on your head.

Namaste.