The Two Jewels, and other Drunken Moments: As Seen on White Loop

So after a lovely evening of playing Apples to Apples with family, my friend and I decided to brave the white loop and peek into the chaos that is the whole world's Saturday night. This is what we found:

"Guys, in eight minutes it's fucking Saint Patrick's day!"
"Woooo, I wanna celebrate!"

"I would hook up with him if I didn't think he was gay."
"I don't think he's gay."
"He knows about cheerleading."
"He wants to hook up with cheerleaders."

"I thought she was digging for gold in my throat."

"guys, we're at the library, I should go study."
*Friend bursts out laughing*
"I can study...I study with my mind."

"Why does your name have a vowel in it? E is so much better than the n. You have no idea what it's like to be named Jewel. Jewels unite!"

"Fuck this red light! You don't get this, cuz I'm Jewel!"

"I promise you, no one's gonna fucking remember what you did tomorrow."

"He was jacking off too hard."
"Hey, these are expensive-ass pants! I'm not ripping this shit, this is Ralph Polo shit."
"Be a man!"

"I'm gonna go see Jewel."
"you're Jewel."
"Nooooo, my best friend Jewel."

"I'm so gay for all of you."

"He's like...the only boy I know who plays tennis."

"Taking on the big, bad world...single life or not!"

"Your hair looked damn good in that basement. You looked like a freshman."

"You're hot, my sister is hot!"

"I washed my hair today, when should I wash it again?"

"Your hair is awesome, can I just touch it?"

"Okay, no one here is drunk because drinking underage is illegal."
"Stop disturbing the people in front of you."

"Just scream 'Penn State' after us okay? WE ARE!"
"No one cares!"

"I'm a girl...I think."

"Fuck that green."

"Yolo!"

"You should keep buying her 'I'm an asshole friend' flowers."

"I wonder how many drunk texts you can do in snapchat."

"He looks like Quasi Modo!"
"Did he like. cut his eyes open?"

"LOOK AT MY FACE."

"Best thing ever...getting with a short girl."

"I'm trying to grow a gotee so I look a little older."

And lastly...

This goose is getting him loose.