I Can't Lie

I have a confession to make. No, I didn't crash into anyone's car (again), nor did I steal all your chocolate--my confession is on a larger scale, something that makes me unable to successfully live my life as an American citizen.


My name is Kira, I'm twenty-one years old, and I cannot for the life of me tell a lie.


It all started with an innocent game of "two truths and a lie." My roommates could successfully get through three facts about themselves, but by the time it was my turn to sandwich a lie between my two truths, I couldn't do it. I would start giggling or making weird sounds akin to a constipated moose. And while it's great to be an honest person and all, there's a such thing as being too honest.


You know how when you just want an evening to yourself, and your friends say hey guess what there's this great movie playing, you have to come watch it with us, and you reply gracefully, "no I can't, I have to work"?


Yeah, not me. I either have to sound like an asshole who doesn't care about her friends or I have to sacrifice my alone time at the expense of pleasing others. Because as soon as I say something like "I have to work," I cannot stop talking. I'll say something ridiculous like "my manager broke his leg, so I have to be in charge of cheese for the next month, plus my neighbor's cat died, so I have to look after her dog, who is heartbroken after the death."


And that's just soooo believable.


Seriously though! You'd think that as an English major, I would have mastered the art of stretching the truth. That's somewhat true. On paper, I can be all "yeah, I'm a totally proficient chess player; I actually played in a competition once." In person, I will promptly forget the word "chess," call myself a "player" instead, and get really weird looks from guys for the next forever.


The only good thing about this is that my friends and family never have to question if I'm truth-ing at them, since the only thing I fail at worse than driving is lying.


Someday, I'll learn to appreciate it. Probably around the time that I wear purple and eat a lot of butter or something.


Namaste.