Dead Puppies, Drowning Twins, and Other Tales from My Eight-Year-Old Brain

So, when I went home to cry over a mass pile of dirty clothes do laundry, I found a box of old notebooks and sketchbooks entitled "Groovy Moments!" (don't ask). Most of the notebooks contained stories of a young girl who set out to New York to become a famous actress (hmmm, projection anyone?), but there was one book in particular that caught my attention:

Basically, it was just a notebook that gave prompts like "write about something that inspires you!", but, being an eight year old with a psychotic slightly disturbing sense of humor, I took my inspiration to an...interesting level.

So, I present to you, some of the gems a much younger Kira conjured up:

"Math I don't get. I hate it when I feel stupid. There's a lot I hate, but I really hate it when I have to go to bed early."

"Interesting things to write about:
Aliens in the swimming pool
Cars in the sky
Planes in a parking lot
A half lion half monkey
A silent storm
Flowers that dance
Edible plants
Characters that come alive
Houses that float
Dogs that talk
Stores that run
Icky Sticky Chicken Parts
A pile of gasoline
A planet called 'the chair'
No stars at night
A TV show called 'Hey Dummy'
A dog that holds a circus."

"Sarah's birthday was soon, so Lulu decided to get two cats. She went to the store and got the cats named Sunrise and Sunset.
The owner said, "be careful because they're opposites and you know what that means."
Lulu didn't listen. She put them in the box and drove to Sarah's house and Sarah eagerly opened it. When she saw what it was, she started to cry. The cats are dead. And nobody spoke ever since."

"Once upon a time a mother dog was giving birth. Seven of the pups were so cute, but the 8th one was disgusting. After a couple of weeks, the pups were for sale. A blind woman took the ugly one. She was going to give it to her daughter for her birthday. So the blind woman named Lulu wrapped up the present and gave it to her. Anna the girl screamed but had to take care of the dog anyway. And they never ever lived happily ever after."

"Once upon a time there were two people. They were twins. Their names were Ira and Ira. The Ira who was born first was smart and clever. The Ira who was born after the first was very dumb. They were invited to their friend's house for a sleepover. So they went. When they got there, they played Tic-Tac-Toe, Library [what?], Shoots and Ladders and cats. When the were done, they had a plan. But before they could do it they had to go to bed. The next day, when the parents weren't looking, they rushed outside. They ran into the pool and jumped in. Then they drowned. The mother and father wept."

"Once upon a time there were some people. They were very very poor. They lived in a one room cabin. When Christmas came, the kids' grandparents had just enough money to buy a bed. So they got the kids a bed for Christmas. When it was bedtime, the kids asked if they could stay up till midnight. The parents said yes. The kids danced and twirled until it was time for bed. It was a Halloween night and it was a full moon. So when the kids climbed into bed, the bed opened its mouth wide and ate the kids."

"Sometimes I try ending a story 4 different ways:
1) The person sneezes and the house blows up.
2) The house sneezes and the person blows up.
3) They both sneeze and blow up.
4) They don't sneeze and don't blow up."

"Once there was a dog
who met a crazy hog.
They tried to pick up a log
but they couldn't see in the fog.
So they met Nog
who had a pet Zog."

...I'm starting to wonder if my parents were concerned for their safety. My father's reaction to this was "what drugs did we have you on?"

Eh. Normalcy is overrated, anyways.

Namaste.