Sunday, May 31, 2015

Sexual Assault: Law Versus Cultural Attitudes

In the recent Washington Post article titled "Feminists Want us to Define these Ugly Sexual Encounters as Rape. Don't Let Them,"  Cathy Young argues that feminists are trying to categorize every regretted sexual experience as an assault that should be punished by law. In this piece, she tries to inculcate the idea that "only yes means yes" is an absurd, puritanical notion that takes away the mystery and intrigue in sex. While Young makes some insightful comments about our society's tendency to demonize men in these cases, she fails to acknowledge the fact that sexual aggression can be perfectly legal, while still revealing troubling cultural attitudes about consent, power, and what constitutes a "positive" sexual experience. Not every instance of coercion is rape. But even when there are no legal repercussions, we should still question the appeal of persuading someone who's clearly reluctant into sex. What is it about somehow "winning" that's sexy? There is still the persistent implication that if you don't want sex or show any signs of hesitation, you are wrong and just don't know it yet. That attitude has to change.


Young argues, "this crusade against 'rape culture' oversimplifies the vast complexity of human sexual interaction, conflating criminal sexual acts such as coercion by physical force, threat or incapacitation — which should obviously be prosecuted and punished — with bad behavior...even in the first incident, in which the man knowingly pressured me into something I didn’t want, I could have safely said no to him." What's troubling here is that Young is blaming herself for an encounter that she was pressured into--this justification for her partner's behavior is a prime example of victim blaming. Technically, he didn't do anything wrong; technically, Young always was physically capable of saying no. But everything in this situation is justified by technicalities. I do not know the details of Young's particular relationship, but there is a multitude of similar situations in which someone is physically capable of saying no, but emotionally she is trapped. Maybe she knows that if she says no, she will be guilted or punished in some way. Maybe she feels that she is fighting a losing battle. Whatever the case is, it is deeply concerning that we are taught to brush off the idea that being pressured into sex is not just inevitable, but is also acceptable. 

Sex isn't a battle--you shouldn't conquer another human being in one of their most intimate, vulnerable moments. 

Young also makes the fallacious argument that "only yes means yes" forces us to consider every less-than-ideal sexual encounter an assault. Without getting too graphic on the Internet, I'd like to use my own personal experience to refute that argument. There have been instances where I've responded with a resounding "yes," only to regret it later because I was a young and stupid person who made young and stupid decisions. I'm not about to go and call my ex a rapist because I didn't think things through at the age of 18. The biggest difference, however, is that I did not feel pressured into doing something I would later regret, and I did not feel as though I would be punished for saying no. 

Young also seems to make the claim that because she was also sexually pushy in her lifetime, that counteracts the times that she was a victim: "besides, I know that sometimes the roles have been reversed. There was the ex-boyfriend I thought I was seducing in the hope of getting him back — only to realize, the one time he finally said no harshly enough, that it had been more pressure than seduction. If I were to claim victimhood, I would either have to admit to being a perpetrator as well or fall back on a blatantly sexist double standard." Here, Young fails to recognize that she is perfectly capable of being both the victim and the aggressor at different times in her life. While this is a seemingly gendered issue (seeing as the number of male aggressors highly outweighs female aggressors), seeing a case in which a woman is overtly sexually aggressive does not make it "right" in some way. It doesn't mean that Young should be behind bars this very instance, but perhaps she, along with everyone else who has felt the need to have full power in similar instances, should examine why the power dynamic was so skewed. 

We've gotten to a point where we can definitively say that rapists should be locked behind bars--that's not the dialogue we need to be having. The next step is to make people realize that persistent persuasion isn't sexy, and instead of relying on the reactor in the situation to say no, maybe we should teach the instigators to stop demanding a "yes." It'll be a hell of a lot more enjoyable that way.

Whew, that was a serious rant. My next post will be chock full of gifs or something to make up for it.

Namaste.
 


Thursday, May 7, 2015

A Year In Review, As Told By Snapchat


As junior year draws to a close, it's only natural that I would reflect on the past 9 months. Unsurprisingly, the results of this reflection are somewhat along the lines of "huh." I laughed, ate, drank, and was merry (coincidentally, the whole "being merry" bit seemed to coincide with the drinking). I could sit here and bore you all with dreadfully woeful tales of getting a B+ in English or indulge myself in an equally woeful (and cliché) tale about breakups (oh wait, already did that). But in this particular instance, I'm gonna let the Snapchats do the talking, as Snapchats are wont to do.

So how did this year pan out? Well...

I studied hard...



I made healthy choices that would benefit my mind and body...

My friends and I improved our style and made smart fashion choices...


I learned how to adult...

I partied like it was 1999...





...And I made new friends who always appreciate me









Let's just hope senior year is this impressive. Nothing says "successful junior year" like learning how to balance a water bottle on your head.

Namaste.