Sunday, November 9, 2014

Things that Piss me Off

Welcome to the rantiest rant post of Kira's blog. As much as I love producing blogs with great philosophical thought and tidy conclusions about the meaning of life, as the semester progresses and thanksgiving break is still so far away, I've been feeling pissed off at the world lately, and since I can't express my pissed-offness with heavy black eyeliner and grunge metal (is that a thing?), I thought I would subject my worldly frustrations on the internet. And so, in neat little list form, I present to you, the things that make me want to punch a baby (but not really 'cause that would be weird):

1) Slow walkers.
On a day-to-day basis, this is the thing that definitely irks me the most. I swear, some people walk so slowly, it's almost as though they're walking backwards, or just kind of shuffling their feet, hoping it'll take them somewhere. I get that if you're in the vast countryside of Ireland or something, you're gonna want to slow down and let the view sink in. Don't let me stamp on your tourism parade. But when you're in the grocery store, staring at a strip of salmon like it's made out of gold, move along, there are people trying to get home in less than two hours. We all know what bread looks like, okay? This is not a time for sight-seeing. Even during class changes, students just meander about, not giving any thought to the fact that they only have 15 minutes to dart from one end of campus to the next. It's even worse when a group of friends are together, sauntering along, because they take up the entire sidewalk.

I just don't understand the mindset of slow-walkers. Even if I leave an hour early for something, I will still walk like a million dollars is waiting for me because A) it burns more calories and B) the faster I walk, the sooner I can get to my destination. I don't know how many college students are walking around campus for the experience of walking, but I thought the whole point was to get somewhere efficiently.

 2) Small servings of ice cream.
Keeping with the theme of efficiency, this has got to be the least efficient way possible to serve ice cream. Maybe somewhere, someone has worked out the magic of healthy moderation when it comes to desserts, but if I'm pulling out a pint of Ben & Jerry's, it's a cheat day. Ice cream is not a diet food. Because no one in the history of forever is going to eat three spoonfuls of ice cream, go "mmm that was satisfying," and put the carton away. Go on, I dare you to find someone who can do that. Even if you start off with that perfectly moderate serving of ice cream in your bowl, you know you're gonna sneak into your freezer at 1A.M. and finish off the pint. So why start off by kidding yourself? You're just waiting to prolong the guilt.
Cute, but we all know how this will end


3) People who spit on sidewalks.
I have never understood this. Spitting is gross even in private; every night while brushing my teeth I have to give myself a little pep talk about how, yes, spitting is disgusting but the only alternative is swallowing my toothpaste. Why do people shamelessly spit in public? Someone please enlighten me. It's absolutely revolting.

4) People who say "you know, coffee stains your teeth."
Little do these people know, they'd much rather look at me with stained teeth than interact with me when I haven't been caffeinated. There's just such an air of superiority here--it's like they're saying "look at me, I never do anything that will make me look less than perfect!" That's great, but for the non-robots here, a little coffee never hurt anyone. And hey, I go to the dentist when I finally remember to make an appointment every six months; it's not like I'm putting my teeth in any immediate danger.

5) Jeggings.
Are you jeans, or are you leggings? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!

And while there plenty more things that piss me off, I'll save that for another time, as I have to binge watch Gilmore Girls do homework and be a productive person. Or something.

Namaste.

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